Pennsylvania Man Gets Drunk, Harasses Neighborhood; is Arrested for Impersonating Police

On Saturday, police in Somerset, PA arrested a drunk man, who had set up an impromptu DUI checkpoint in the middle of a road late at night. He was rather quickly charged with impersonating a police officer.

Via the Huffington Post:

Police say a man who set up a drunken-driving checkpoint complete with road flares while pretending to be a Pennsylvania state trooper was drunk.

Troopers say 19-year-old Logan Shaulis, of Somerset, parked his vehicle diagonally across state Route 601 and set up road flares at about 4 a.m. Saturday.

A motorist who stopped says Shaulis claimed he was a trooper and demanded to see a driver’s license, registration and insurance papers.

When real troopers arrived, police say Shaulis tried to hand a BB pistol to the car’s passenger and said, “I can’t get caught with this.”

He faces charges including drunken driving, impersonating a public servant and unlawful restraint. He remained jailed Tuesday. Online court records don’t list an attorney for him.

A preliminary hearing is set for June 9.

King Ron Impersonating the Police
This is probably what the checkpoint looked like.

A spokesman for the Somerset Police Department said, “We had no choice, but to place him under arrest for impersonating the police. Everybody knows that annoying random people late at night with little actual effect is our thing. And can you believe the guy was drunk and trying to arrest people for being drunk? Who does that? I mean really, that’s an actual question. Because I forgot that one guy’s name, but he’s been doing that for years. You know who I’m talking about don’t you Sarge?

“I’m not really sure,” replied a sergeant in the back of the room. “Arresting people for stuff we do ourselves is kinda one of our things, too. So, it could actually be a lot of people in the department and pretty much nationwide.”

Later the chief denied rumors that the SPD had offered Shaulis a spot in the next academy class stating, “The guy had a gun and was wearing a uniform and he didn’t even kill anyone. He’s clearly not ready to be a cop. Anytime you get an excuse to kill someone or their dog, you gotta go for it. You know like those French guys say ‘Carpe Diem’ and YOLO and all that.”

Although this picture seems suspiciously British, it could have gone down like this, too.
Although this picture seems suspiciously British, it could have gone down like this, too.

When it was pointed out that it was actually just a BB gun, he quickly brushed that aside stating, “Oh, well who has the time to spend more than two seconds figuring stuff like that out. Next thing you’ll tell me that you can’t actually shoot bullets at me with a cell phone. Besides, we got IQ standards on the force. If this guy was smart enough to know the difference between a real gun and a toy, he’s obviously going to be way above the cutoff for our IQ regs.

There’s no place out there on the Thin Blue Line for these type of guys with all their book learning. People think you just show up and eat donuts all day, while shooting up steroids. We only do that about 75% of the time we’re on duty most days. You have to be ready to beat or kill innocent people for no good reason when given the chance. Besides, that guy took it upon himself to do something. Obviously, we want people that just do their job.”

(If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m a little worried about you. But just in case, the bottom portion of this post is all satire. It is, of course, based on a real incident.)banner-store

Kelly is a lifelong resident of Las Vegas, who’s been very active in local grassroots activism, as well as on a national level during his extensive travels. He’s also the founder/main contributor of Nevada Cop Block, served as editor/contributor at CopBlock.org and designed the Official Cop Block Press Passes.
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6 Comments

  1. Wow, you should write for The Onion! =P

  2. Interesting. Are you sure it wasn’t Centurion aka Matt Phillips? He has been busted before for impersonating military personnel.

    1. it will be very interesting to watch you flail around on the ground getting dirt in your skinless wounds.

  3. My only comment, until I comment further from response (it’s all up to the rest of you, I like eating dinner undisturbed), the guy deserves what he gets.

    Our greatest right is to be left alone. This guy ignored that, and that through falsehoods. The fucker should be dealt with under any political ideology. The crappy polemics of the essay, making what he did equivalent to what police do under a state, is the issue of where ideologies become opportunistic, or a better word is corrupt. This essay could have been written with no reference to the state. The guy broke voluntaryist principles, anarchist principles, socialist principles, Social Democrat principles. etc. But, no. this essay has to go into the statist as if the guy was working for the state, or represented the state, or was circumsized by the state and just acting out over the trauma over his dead foreskin.

    Perspective. What a concept.

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