Tag Archives: Satire

LA Supreme Court: It’s Reasonable to Believe “Give Me a Lawyer Dog” was Request for a Dog Who is a Lawyer

Lawyer Dog Louisiana Supreme Court Canine Attorney

Lawyer Dog should really ask Grumpy Judge to recuse herself. #JusSayin

Recently, the Louisiana Supreme Court issued a ruling on a motion to suppress evidence against Warren Demesme, who is currently awaiting trial in New Orleans. By a 6-1 majority the court denied that motion, which maintained that statements Demesme had made should be thrown because the police had ignored his request for legal counsel during interrogations.

What’s gotten a lot of attention (and rightfully so) since that ruling is the courts’ contention that Demesme’s request was ambiguous and unclear. But even more so for the reasoning behind the ruling. Orleans Parish Assistant District Attorney Kyle Daly argued in his response to the motion that Demesme’s statement, “just give me a lawyer dog,” could be misinterpreted by a “reasonable officer” based on the use of the words “lawyer dog.”

In a brief accompanying the decision, Louisiana Associate Supreme Court Justice Scott J. Crichton agreed that the defendant’s use of “lawyer dog” could be misconstrued to mean something else and therefore did not qualify as a request for counsel.

Via the Washington Post:

Warren Demesme, then 22, was being interrogated by New Orleans police in October 2015 after two young girls claimed he had sexually assaulted them. It was the second time he’d been brought in, and he was getting a little frustrated, court records show. He had repeatedly denied the crime. Finally, Demesme told the detectives:

“This is how I feel, if y’all think I did it, I know that I didn’t do it so why don’t you just give me a lawyer dog ’cause this is not what’s up.” The punctuation, arguably critical to Demesme’s use of the sobriquet “dog,” was provided by the Orleans Parish District Attorney’s office in a brief, and then adopted by Louisiana Associate Supreme Court Justice Scott J. Crichton.

Demesme subsequently made admissions to the crime, prosecutors said, and was charged with aggravated rape and indecent behavior with a juvenile. He is being held in the Orleans Parish jail awaiting trial.

The public defender for Orleans Parish, Derwyn D. Bunton, took on Demesme’s case and filed a motion to suppress Demesme’s statement. In a court brief, Bunton noted that police are legally bound to stop questioning anyone who asks for a lawyer. “Under increased interrogation pressure,” Bunton wrote, “Mr. Demesme invokes his right to an attorney, stating with emotion and frustration, ‘Just give me a lawyer.’” The police did not stop their questioning, Bunton argued, “when Mr. Demesme unequivocally and unambiguously asserted his right to counsel.”

Louisiana Associate Supreme Court Justice Scott J. Crichton

Louisiana Associate Supreme Court Justice Scott J. Crichton

Orleans Parish Assistant District Attorney Kyle Daly responded in his brief that Demesme’s “reference to a lawyer did not constitute an unambiguous invocation of his right to counsel, because the defendant communicated that whether he actually wanted a lawyer was dependent on the subjective beliefs of the officers.” Daly added, “A reasonable officer under the circumstances would have understood, as [the detectives] did, that the defendant only might be invoking his right to counsel.”

Bunton’s motion to throw out Demesme’s statement was rejected by the trial court and the appeals court, so he took it to the state Supreme Court. The Supreme Court, in a ruling issued last Friday and first reported by Reason, could have denied the appeal without issuing a written ruling, which it does in most cases. But Justice Crichton decided to write a brief concurrence “to spotlight the very important constitutional issue regarding the invocation of counsel during a law enforcement interview.”

Crichton noted that Louisiana case law has ruled that “if a suspect makes a reference to an attorney that is ambiguous or equivocal . . . the cessation of questioning is not required.” Crichton then concluded: “In my view, the defendant’s ambiguous and equivocal reference to a ‘lawyer dog’ does not constitute an invocation of counsel that warrants termination of the interview.”

So…

There’s a lot of things wrong with that decision. The most obvious issue is that they didn’t actually provide him with a dog who is a lawyer, as they claim they thought he had requested. It’s probably not the wisest move to request a dog to represent you in court, but if he’s a good boy and graduated from an accredited law school, who am I to cast aspersions?

Of course, that’s kind of the biggest problem with the “logic” of this ruling. They couldn’t give him a “lawyer dog” because, outside of memes on the internets, it’s not an actual thing. At this point in history, not one single dog has ever managed to pass the bar exam. Not Lassie, not Rin Tin Tin, not Benji, not even Snoopy. Scooby Doo is way to high to even think about taking the SAT’s, let alone the LSAT’s, and don’t even get me started on Marmaduke.

If any dog could have pulled it off, it obviously would have been Brian Griffin, but he died tragically after eating chocolate out of the garbage years ago. So, he’s not available right now.

What it boils down to is, if somebody asks for legal council, as is their constitutional right under the Sixth Amendment, you shouldn’t just be able to pretend you didn’t understand them because they used some (not uncommon) slang. In fact, if for some reason they ask for a “lawyer dog,” but there aren’t any available (or willing to work pro bone-o), then you give them a lawyer human instead.

It’s hard to have a lot of faith in the U.S. Injustice System, especially after rulings like this (not to mention all the coerced confessions and false convictions they allow for). However, you would hope that some sense of common decency and shame would compel the next appeals court this goes in front of to render a proper ruling on this nonsense.

I have a suspicion this might be a big part of the reason why the State of Louisiana has the highest incarceration rate in the entire world.

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Norfolk Constabulary Refuses FOIA Request for Details of How They Would Respond to Zombie Attack

The following post was shared with the CopBlock Network by Marcus Potter, who has submitted numerous videos to the CopBlock Network, as well. It was shared via the CopBlock.org Submissions Page.

Say what you want about Potter’s choice of subject matter on this particular post, but I personally think this is a pretty valid concern these days. I’ll just have to agree to disagree with anyone that thinks this is a question that should not be asked. It’s too late once the zombies have taken to the streets to come up with an attack plan.

If you have a video, personal story involving police misconduct and/or abuse, or commentary about a law enforcement related news story, we would be happy to have you submit it. You can find some advice on how to get your submission published on the CopBlock Network within this post.

Date Of Incident: November 18, 2016
Officers Involved: John McQuire and Amanda Gibson
Department Involved: Norfolk Constabulary
Department Telephone No.: +441953424242
Department Facebook Page: Norfolk Constabulary on FB
Department Twitter Account: @NorfolkPolice

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How Norfolk Constabulary would respond to a zombie outbreak was the subject of a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request by myself.

I asked two simple questions:

  • What are the provisions in case of a zombie apocalypse, and:
  • How prepared is the constabulary for a zombie apocalypse?

However my request to see how the police would tackle a hungry mob of zombies eating their way through the county’s population was rejected.

While it may seem a brain dead request, I was not happy when the police said his plea was “vexatious”, so he fleshed out why he felt it was in the public interest.

I said: “It does in fact have a serious purpose because whilst I do accept that the possibility is remote, there is a possibility that zombies may attack the County of Norfolk.

I added: “In such an event it is inevitable that these officers will be called to dispatch the living dead by members of the public and members of other emergency services, in particular the ambulance service who may encounter them whilst responding to emergency calls.”

“Therefore it is in the public interest that the constabulary are prepared for such an eventuality and that officers are correctly trained in appropriate techniques to dispatch the living dead and knowing the limits of their capacity in doing so.”

“For example, it is essential that an unarmed response officer knows what to do when they notice the living dead and whether they should instead request armed backup. Either way it is essential that officers know what to do in such an event both for their own safety and that of others who they might bite if infected.”

A review by Norfolk Police’s Information Compliance Manager, John McGuire, stated: “I have considered this as part of my review and I do not agree with the applicant. The probability of a plan being required is so remote that should resources be tasked in producing a plan it is likely to be in the public interest from the opposite view, due to the potentially ineffective use of resources against other operational priorities.”

What I find very difficult to understand is that despite the more feasible risk of a zombie attack in Norfolk, the Norfolk Constabulary consider me a serious risk to their organizational security and have spent ridiculous amounts of time and tax payers’ money to mitigate the supposed risk that I cause to them. Norfolk Constabulary have even gone as far as successfully applying for a Criminal Behaviour Order against me, which was awarded to them, but subsequently discharged by Recorder Wilson in November 2016, on the grounds that it was not helpful in preventing anti-social behaviour. He did, however, warn me that my behaviour was serious enough to warrant such an order.

– Marcus D Potter

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NY Cop Known for Satire Videos About Police Brutality Charged with Choking/Harassment

Richard Hy, a Buffalo Police Officer who became internet famous for 15 minutes earlier this year when he was suspended for posting satire videos making light of police brutality and other types of misconduct has now been charged with harassing and choking someone he was involved in an “altercation” with.

The unnamed victims were said to have been recording a music video using their cell phones when they were involved in some sort of incident with Officer Hy and an off-duty West Seneca Police Officer, whom the department has refused to identify. Although, very little details have been released concerning the incident that happened on September 13th, Hy was charged with harassment and “obstruction of breath.” The West Seneca Police Officer has reportedly been suspended as well while an internal “investigation” is being conducted, although whether he is on a paid or unpaid vacation was not specified.

Previously, Officer Hy had received quite a bit of notoriety when he was suspended by the Buffalo Police Department in February of this year for posting “Vines” under the title “Angry Cops.” The satirical videos uploaded to that channel included many that joked about prison rape, police brutality and shootings, and stealing from the evidence room. One of them included a video in which he claimed to have stolen a bag of cocaine from evidence and can be seen with (presumably) simulated traces of coke on his face.

Being that cops, including Officer Hy now, are routinely caught doing those things, it didn’t sit well with his department once he began to get a large following on various social media sites. He was suspended for 22 days for violating the Buffalo Police Departments’ social media policy. Partly because he often did the videos in uniform with his badge and name tag clearly visible.

At the time, he defended his videos to the New York Daily News:

Hy, 29, told the Daily News he thought the clips humanized cops at a time when police tactics are under scrutiny nationwide.

“Did I do anything for malice? Absolutely not,” he said.

“I just thought it was harmless fun…”

“It was kind of like a visual diary, just to show the lighter side of the job,” he said.

As is often the case though when cops show their true nature and thought process by making jokes about assaulting or otherwise harming citizens, that fun wasn’t so harmless back in September when he was caught actually choking someone, which is kinda why police tactics are under scrutiny nationwide.

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Pro-Police Website Recommends Cops Download and Use Cell 411 (Sorta)

Regular readers at the CopBlock Network are probably pretty familiar with the Cell 411 app, but in case you aren’t you can read posts on CopBlock.org about it and its many uses here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Obviously, it has several options that can be helpful during traditional emergencies such as fires, medical issues, and criminal threats or even more benign moments of need, such as car trouble. The app allows you to set up networks, known as “cells” with which you can communicate and, if necessary, request assistance from. It also allows you to send location information via GPS tracking to those that you trust to come to your aid. While these features are also helpful for people who have no intentional interest in eliminating their reliance on governmental emergency services, they were actually designed to enable users to “crowdsource your emergencies” as it says on the official Cell 411 website.

In addition, Cell 411 is advertised as something that was “built by and for activists.” As such, it also has certain features that can be used for CopBlocking. Besides the ones already mention involving communicating with trusted friends and the providing of your exact location to them in order for them to come to your aid, it includes a “know your rights” section and there’s also an option to stream live video to the internets. This both enables those you request assistance from to see what the threat is and also prevents police (or any other threat) from deleting any video footage you record from your phone. It can also warn people within your cell of speed traps and other revenue generation tactics  being employed and allow them to avoid the effected area(s).

Interestingly enough, one of those pro-police websites has decided that they can use those features to generate more revenue at the expense of CopBlockers. BlueLivesMatter.blue is a site devoted to telling everybody that cops are heroes who should never be held accountable for their actions because bravery and danger and fear, while citizens should take personal responsibility for their actions and deserve to die if they don’t do exactly as their told by the angry, armed man threatening them because respect my authoritah. They’re basically a newer version of PoliceOne.com (who has also posted paranoid ramblings about Cell 411), but haven’t had to hide their comment section yet due to rampant racist and violent comments by cops, as PoliceOne.com did.

Here’s their take on the usefulness of Cell 411:

cell411

Cell 411 is a cell phone app which has been around for a while now on both Apple and Android platforms. Ostensibly, Cell 411 is an app which allows you to contact your closest friends and relatives “in case of an emergency.” It just so happens that these “emergencies” include getting stopped by the police, getting arrested, or the upstanding citizen just out CopBlocking.

Cell 411 users have the option to broadcast this information to their legion of rocket scientist friends, or in “Patrol Mode,” which broadcasts to all users within a 50 mile radius. The officer safety implications of this are clear. Criminals such as Black Lives Matter and police agitators can now push a button to call for help from their friends, whenever they are contacted by law enforcement. However, this also opens up a great opportunity for law enforcement when it comes to dealing with these people.

Banner - cell 411

Here’s a step-by-step guide to use Cell 411 to have fun with your shift:

  •  Step 1: Download Cell 411 from your Google Play or iTunes store.
  • Step 2: Go to a low traffic area of your beat.
  • Step 3: Set Cell 411 to Patrol Mode and then initiate a fake police event, such as a traffic stop or arrest.
  • Step 4: Get your ticket-book ready, and conduct a traffic emphasis patrol in the area.

Remember folks, this is a group activity.

Of course, the flaw in their brilliant plan is that less and less people actually trust cops (for good reason) and this app is geared toward people connecting with trustworthy people who are actually willing to help their fellow citizens. So, you should still download Cell 411 for all the great benefits, but just ensure you are careful who you respond to. You don’t want to run into a cop who is really bored by his strenuous day and has decided to look for a little easy revenue at the expense of your good will.

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John Oliver of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight” Discusses “Police Accountability”

Per the Youtube description:

“John Oliver discusses the systems in place to investigate and hold police officers accountable for misconduct.”

This video put out by the HBO comedy/news satire show “Last Week Tonight,” hosted by comedian John Oliver, has been out for a minute and has been seen over five million times already on Youtube alone. However, it should be seen by everyone else on this planet. So, I’m posting it here and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Although it is fairly long at just under twenty minutes, Oliver makes quite a few points about the “systems in place” to hold police officers accountable during the video. As has been pointed out here at the CopBlock Network time and time and time and time again, those systems are incredibly ineffective and oftentimes are in reality a part of the problem in the first place.

Since police are allowed to judge themselves and usually dependent on the mythical “Good Cop” to hold those “Bad Applesmaking the other one percent of the department look bad accountable, it’s set up for failure from the start. And the worst kept secret on this and several other planets is that if they aren’t set up intentionally to facilitate that “failure” they are manipulated by police “leadership” to ensure that, at worst, police receive a very minor slap on the wrist for acts of misconduct, rather than any sort of legitimate and true punishment.

That holds true regardless of how obvious and even deadly that misconduct might be. In fact, corruption is effectively rewarded in many cases and across police departments nationwide. The tolerance and even encouragement of criminal behavior by cops, including things that would get a normal citizen a lengthy prison sentence if they committed such crimes, has spawned an outright gang culture within police departments.

Additionally, much like the well documented tactics of the Catholic Church, even when that slap on the wrist extends to a police officer actually being fired, they are simply able to move to another department, many times even within the same city, and continue abusing and preying upon citizens. In fact, it’s such a common act that there’s a name for it: “Gypsy Cops.”

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